Wandering between wonder & routine

O Eternal One, it would be easier for me to pray      if I were clear             and of a single mind and a pure heart;      if I could be done hiding from myself           and from you, even in my prayers. But, I am who I am,      mixture of motives and excuses,           blur of memories,                quiver of hopes,           knot of fear,                 tangle of confusion,                      and restless with love, for love. I wander somewhere between       gratitude and grievance,             wonder and routine,                 high resolve and undone dreams,                      generous impulses and unpaid bills. Come, find me, Lord. Be with me exactly as I am. Help me find me, Lord.      Help me accept what I am,           so I can begin to be yours. Make of me something small enough to snuggle,       young enough to question,            simple enough to giggle,                 old enough to forget,                      foolish enough to act for peace;      skeptical enough to doubt           the sufficiency of anything but you,  and attentive enough to listen           as you call me out of the tomb of my timidity                into the chancy glory of my possibilities                     and the power of your presence. Amen.

– Ted Loder, “Guerillas of Grace”