My body is in pain.
A lot of pain.
But I rarely talk about it. Or think about it. I can’t.
I was diagnosed with fibromyalgia my senior year of high school. Long story short, I quit almost all the things I loved. Volleyball, drums, piano. But God used that time to call me into ordained ministry. So I’m deeply grateful for the life changes I went through at that time.
I’ve been in and out of doctor’s offices, tried many medications, exercise and diets.
Last week my doctor suggested physical therapy. I walked into the medical center hoping it would be massage. Myofascial release massage usually makes me feel a lot better.
My physical therapist, a girl about my age, said her philosophy is physical movement and strength training with a little massage. I could get on board with that.
Then I had my first session. I’m forcing my muscles to do things they haven’t done in a long time. It hurts. A lot.
I was reminded…
When our spiritual lives stop being stretched – its very painful to get moving again.
Once you do get moving, it hurts like hell.
Others tell you it will get better. You have to believe them. Because you don’t necessarily have hope that it will.
I’d much rather just have massage. It feels great in the moment. But doesn’t change much once I’m home. Same with God. We want the quick fix answers. Doesn’t change much.
It’s a lot of hard work to get better – physically & spiritually.
It’s worth it. Still hurts. But worth it.
Only after the pain, can God be glorified.
I don’t share as a vain attempt to gain pity. The only reason I share this is to point more powerfully to the One who’s love and strength gets me through each day. Only God gives me what I need to serve God and the church in the way that I do.
2 Corinthians 12:9: But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.”
p.s. I think that’s why it’s easier for me to choose hope over apathy. If I chose apathy in my every day life, I would never get out of bed. God and this chronic illness has wired me to naturally choose hope in most situations.